Drawing lines ....

Right now, I'm sitting between my two youngest children, attempting to help them with math and spelling, while also trying to figure out how to make this blog a little more than "black and white." I have a friend urging me to go a little more public with this, and I'm hesitant, because ... I don't know. I'm just hesitatant.

Where do I draw the lines and section myself properly so that I meet all the expectations I have set up for myself?

I struggle with "the best," and realize that very rarely does anyone (including myself) get the best I have to offer, because I do not draw the lines well. Somedays, I have it all together remarkably well. I can be a good wife/mother/friend/thinker/etc. But those days are few and far between.

I know, from my friends, my problem is not unique to me. But I always figured, if I could institute the right "system" I could conquer this issue. Superwoman syndrome wasn't a problem for me, because somewhere in the sickness of my mind, I thought that was an obtainable goal.

If I were honest with myself, I really can't even blame "others" for my situation. I bring most of these expectations on myself. I have a couple of friends who ask me, "What do you want?" I even had a good "acquaintance" ask me the "If money were not object, what would you do with your life" question last night.

I told him I would write. But as I think about this, that isn't a totally honest answer. I wouldn't write instead of home schooling. I wouldn't write if it meant losing the good friends I have. I wouldn't write if it meant a substantial change in my "comfort" level right now. So, I would write as a "living" if it wouldn't significantly change my current status. And that, upon reflection, means to me I'm not "hungry" enough to want it quite yet.

I wish I had an answer to the balance thing. But right now, I've got school to finish with the kids, two dental appointments to make in 20 minutes, a meeting at work to get ready for and a committee meeting that will make me miss my favorite class. No excuses -- just disappointment that I am not really who I want to be -- yet.