When I moved to where I am now, I really (I mean really) didn't want to do it. I fought it; I cried over it. I begged G-D to hear me and not let it happen. I was so distraught that I was taken in for a CAT scan to see if I had a brain tumor, because I had developed symptoms of such. It was not good.

Now, two and a half years later, I can see that the moved helped me become who I was truly meant to be.

I am more comfortable in my own skin than I have been in years. Not satisfied -- there are many things I would like to change about myself -- but comfortable and content as a whole with who I am.

I came to this realization this morning, after dropping my husband off for a four day conference. I was driving back home, early and still dark, and the remains of an amazing thunder storm were still rumbling around me. In my car, "my" music was playing. The car smelled of leather (from my coat), and my thoughts -- as random as they come -- rested on this truth.

There is a certain beauty found in such a place. Especially knowing that not everyone who loves me always likes the person I've become. But to know that the G-D who created me loves me no less or no more ... There is a Hebrew word, Teshuva. It has kind of become my "mantra" in recent weeks.

Teshuva is a season on the Jewish calendar. A time for looking inward, and stripping away those things that keep you from G-D. Literally, it means "to return." Return to what? I heard a rabbi (of sorts) last night say it means to return to the original mission and destiny that G-D has created for you.

I have been in a process of teshuva over the last two years. While I am not yet there -- I am closer now than I have been in a long, long time. There is a certain peace that comes with realizations like that. To no longer care quite so much about what other people think. To understand that more people value authenticity more than perfection (especially outside the four walls of the church culture I have so been a part of). To look into the faces of long known friends and to see their acceptance (if they really are friends).

My journey ... It's added a new dimension of peace to me that I never really knew before. Not totally ... In fact, G-D is bringing certain things to my surface that I must deal with, or I will literally fall into a pit of despair. But I am finding order in chaos, love in depths I never knew possible, and acceptance for who G-D created me to be -- not who I created me to be.

Amazing.