Long time -- no write.

I'm back, thanks to the encouragement of my friends. I spend a lot of my "creative energy" right now involved in a couple of new projects, so I've spent some time "re-visiting" stories of my past ... I've journaled for most of my life, and it's given me a grasp on my history that many people don't have.

What I've learned is that where I'm at now is simply a continuation of a journey I've been on a long time.

Here's what I wrote March 31, 2005:

"I think absolutely honest people would say that satisfaction is at best occasional -- shards or glimmers in the grand schematic of time and space.
We "experience" only what the broken mirror of "knowing in part" will allow us to see. Distortion at best. But we choose (again, in ignorance) to base our impression of what is true and real on that distorted image, rather than accept the fact that we are flawed and can only see in part. Our infant minds make conclusions riddled with error.

We settle for a life that is less.

We fear the relentless hunger that is our discourse. The restless spirit that invades my every waking moment cannot find its home here -- ever.

I guess people who feel like the percent they know is the "whole" are naive, or content to live a lie. They are stupid, or just blissfully ignorant -- or lazy.

They settle.

Maybe I'm beginning to do the same. Thinking I am finding satisfaction or relief from the relentless wandering that my soul suffers. Substituting whatever I find to relieve the longing for "something more." Imagining I can find a soul mate within anyone but God. Running, cursing, and hating the very desire and sadness that makes me who I am. The hunger that keeps me from falling in line with the masses.

God, help me know You!"

I read my past voice, and hear so many echoes in my present situation. These things that I consider "new" projects are simply the next part of my life. Or maybe, they are God's long awaited answer for the child who spends most of her time living lost. I don't know. But I'm glad I don't have to walk this road alone.