I've been thinking a lot about this "spiritual jouney" I'm on. I keep wondering, what purpose does God have in leading me down this path?

I've always been an explorer when it come to spiritual things. I was raised pretty much as a Christian ... westernized, born again, evangelistic. I feel like I made a commitment to God very early in life. I think some of us are spiritually connected, even as young children. Knowing there is more than what we see ... I was always one of those people.

But I always had tons of questions. The beauty of it was, though, the God I believed in was big enough to handle any question I had. He was OK as I stumbled through the holy books of Mormon, and the Koran, and various other belief systems. He didn't flinch when I read about the Hindu pantheon, or even wondered deeply about Native American beliefs. Somewhere inside of me, He patiently waited until I returned from my travels, and His consistant presense made me love Him more deeply after each journey.

So now, after forty and almost twenty years married to a pastor in the "traditional" Christian church, I stumble onto things I "knew" in my heart, but really didn't know. That Jesus was Jewish, and a part from understanding the deeper things of Judaism, I cannot fully know Him. That God ... the God I believe in ... first spoke out of nothingness to Abram, the father of not only the Hebrews, but the Muslims. That He called out for Himself from Egypt a Hebrew people ... freeing them from slavery, and making them His own.

That the faith I profess is a grafting onto this ancient, ever persistant thing.

It stirs in my soul. It is not a thing I easily portray. I'm not emotional by make up, so these things that sculpt my soul are not easily articulated. That's why the anonimity of "blogging" helps me process things I have a difficult time verbalizing with my friends.

So my questions today is, where is this path leading? To communal life? To establishing a place that really deals with "real" religion which, according to Torah and Jesus' words (or Yeshua, which was his given name) is to take care of orphans and widows and to do good while sharing good news of life and love to those losing hope and lost?

All I know is that I cannot simply go back to where I was. Each spiritual trip has me coming back changed ... refined ... with no more answers but many more questions as I work out these things in the very depth of my soul.

I guess for now, I'll just enjoy the journey and not worry about the destination.